a-bun-dance
–noun
| 1. | an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply. |
| 2. | overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart. |
| 3. | affluence; wealth: the enjoyment of abundance. |
Did I mention that I'll be turning 40 soon? Yeah, well, until his very moment, I've been kicking and screaming up the crest of the hill so I haven't spoken of it much. Down right pre-teen style denial about it if I'm being perfectly candid.
So. (that's what's Minnesotans say all the time. To segue or to prep the other person in the conversation for a whole lot of verbal diarrhea or, finally, to break the awkward silence.)
So.
This 40 thing. As a woman, 40 sort of marks the half life mark. How's that for a buzz killing thought?
30 was amazing. I was a woman, not a young adult. I'd earned everything I had and I'd worked really hard for it. My voice, it had seasoned value. Modesty and humility had arrived. Life was good.
Yesterday, I sat in the dreaded mall play area. My oldest daughter seated next to me, while the two of us watched my youngest daughter run and laugh and play and make friends with children that didn't need names; just a will to run and laugh and play along with her. Oldest and I shared snorts about youngest's outfit choice in comparison to the lovingly tended younger children in their gymbo lines. I commented about Gusty's pants (flannel unicorns) being a bribe years ago in a fabric store. Madison suggested I burn them in between her texts to friends in far away places on spring break. I nodded...
Not a nod of agreement, rather a sudden awareness that 40 didn't mark the end of my first half of life, rather the beginning of the best half of my life.
I can't tell you how profound it was to watch my gorgeous girls displaying their independance with a tiny bit of abandon right in front of me. No saggy diapers, no runny noses, imune systems strong enough to weather public play areas, picking out their own outfits, text messages.
So.
My mind drifted. It landed in my abundance...
A happy and healthy husband.
Children rich with friends and projects and laughter.
A home about to burst forth in sustainability.
My own health and happiness.
...and flannel unicorn pants.
Why have I been fighting this I wondered. I wouldn't change anything in my 1st life half, why was I reaching back so hard to hold on to it?
Maybe because it's all a little blurry. The lines of time do that when there are 4 children around. Odd, isn't it, that when your vision is starting to fuzz a bit on the fringe, your world's richness becomes so much more clear....abundantly so.
Bring on the 40 I say.
